Return
by lybra323
Summary: Gojyo wakes up one morning, and Hakkai is gone. Set post journey, HakkaiGojyo as usual, Enjoy!
1. He left

A/N: A little short thing that just hit me recently. It'll have 4 or 5 chapters in total.

He woke up one morning to find breakfast made and next to the pile of food, _I'm sorry Gojyo, but I need to go _neatly pressed in small cursive hand onto the notepaper.

He didn't trust the shitty priest, not after the last time, so he pounced on Goku when he found him alone in the marketplace busy making the meat bun stall owner a rich man.

"Hey, Goku, did you see Hakkai around?" using his best 'we were just walking around and got separated for a moment, no big deal' tone of voice.

He knew Hakkai wasn't at the temple when Goku had no reaction at all and merely shrugged, "No, I didn't see him around the marketplace," barely paying him any attention. Further confirmation when Goku piped up, "Hey when you meet up with him again remind him to make sukiyaki on Sunday, he promised last week!"

He called him a greedy ape and ducked his punch half-heartedly, mind racing far ahead.

He went to find that damn priest anyway and wasn't surprised when he received a snorted "Tch. No idea where he is, haven't seen him."

"Like you'll tell me anyway even if he was hiding here."

"It was his choice not to tell you back then. As it is now." Sanzo rolled his eyes. "Not as if anyone could persuade him otherwise when he's in one of his moods."

He stared at Sanzo. Sanzo held his stare.

"If he wants to hide, you can't do anything but let him go. He's just as obstinate as you're stupid."

Gojyo gritted his teeth. "Shit you," and stomped away, leaving in his wake rustlings and stirrings of dried crunching leaves.

Amid all the crunching though he though he heard the priest toss back, "You really are an idiot. If he wants to come back he will. On nothing but his own terms."

He pondered if it was better that way.


	2. The monkey

He'd heard of the cliché saying, 'If you truly love something let it go and if it's really yours it will return to you.' Hell, he's had countless women saying it to him back then, trying to be stoically brave, convinced he would return to them someday, all they had to do was wait. In the end they all got tired of waiting; he was never anyone's to begin with. He saw some of them around town, arms happily linked with much better husband and father material and bouncing fat tots now. He was sure if he'd returned to his past towns he'll see the same.

The first time it happened he told himself it didn't matter, whatever, still the joy when he spotted the familiar brunette was alarming in its disproportion. The second he couldn't pretend it didn't matter anymore.

_Aw shucks. That hurt. _Not pretending felt good though.

When Goku finally knew his first concern was of course that there would be no more of Hakkai's cooking and it was a tragedy. He wanted to hit the monkey. Then realized it was a big thing for him too. Nothing tasted good enough for him anymore.

But Goku grew more serious and noted, "I'm sure Hakkai will return. When he's ready."

He stared. Was the monkey trying to comfort him? No way. He wasn't that pathetic. It was all just cheap words. They all knew Hakkai, which was not much. Granted, he knew Hakkai a little better than them, but the more he knew the more he found didn't know him really.

He laughed uneasily. "You squirt. You have no idea what you're talking about."

Goku glowered at him. "I'm not a squirt! And I know at least this much more than you. Hakkai will come back, it's a matter of time. You should know better."

He squirmed under the monkey's intense glare and was simply floored by this unexpected display of maturity.

"Why."

"Because this is home, stupid."


	3. What now

He stopped washing up or clearing the trash and left cigarette butts in beer cans left everywhere as if the disorder would compel Hakkai to return to clean up after him and threaten him with more bodily harm. Days melted with the moon cycle and he wondered if that was how he lived all these years back then. He wanted to look for the girls again. He didn't. Damn Hakkai. He'd spoilt him so that anyone else just didn't match up and wasn't worth the trouble.

_Damn you, kai. You've trained me for you so well and now you're just gone like that, what am I supposed to do?_

Some silly girl who didn't know to please him and who would be so trouble to please, seriously. He jerked off imagining slender pale skillful fingers working on him, emerald eyes gauging and smiling at his every response.

It led to the next phrase which involved every short-haired brunette turning his head, just in case, always hoping, never happening. Every man with green eyes stopped him but never more than a second glance. One day he found himself unconsciously stalking a man because the way his back looked reminded him of Hakkai. He was 2 streets gone when he realized Hakkai may never come back.

He went home, threw out the trash, the beer cans, and loaded the dishwasher.


	4. Looking back

She sipped the tea cautiously, swallowed, drank more of it, amazement washing over her features.

"My, Gojyo, this is good! I didn't know you could make such good tea."

He shrugged. "I had a good teacher. Used to. Now I have to make my own. Had to make something I wouldn't throw up upon tasting."

She smiled. "So how are you doing, Gojyo? Not dating anyone?'

He smiled in return. "Not really right now."

She glanced around the room, absentmindedly soothing her baby, "I though they used to say you had a roommate living with you…"

He waved it away. "That was a long time ago. He just needed a room then. He didn't anymore."

She turned to him. "Well then, shouldn't you think about marrying a nice girl and settling down? You're not that young anymore and you don't play the scene now. Do you want me to introduce a nice girl to you?"

He chuckled. "It's ok. You don't have to do that. I'm just not ready for that yet."

She teased, "Oh, is there a girl in the picture?"

He winced mentally. _Not a girl, to be exact. _"No, I'm just not looking for that. Besides I'm living pretty well on my own," gesturing towards the rather neat and clean house.

She shook her head. "Who would've expected, Sha Gojyo, the infamous playboy."

He suddenly blurted out, gaze intensely fixated on her. "Were you angry that I left then?"

She laughed lightly. "Gojyo, goodness, no! I was young then but not that naïve. I didn't expect anymore than that. We were both just out for a good time."

"Besides," she added thoughtfully, "You weren't ready then. Nobody could've stayed you. The girls who thought otherwise were just deluding themselves."

He laughed wryly. "If only more girls were as sensible as you were."

She smirked. "I'm one in a million, and it's your loss anyway."

He looked at the baby's hair and eyes, mirroring his. "So. His father…"

She beamed at the baby. "Well I nearly lost him when the youkais went crazy. Luckily he survived and I wasn't going to lose him again. We got married soon after."

"You love him. Despite all that. Knowing what's gonna happen. People talk. And it's still considered taboo…"

She looked at him in the eye. "Sometime you gotta lose something before you realize how precious it is to you. And when you have a second chance, you grab it. You don't wait."

She gazed fondly at the baby. "I know I must sound so cliché and trite, but if it's love it's worth fighting for."

He mused. "Is there still such a thing, really."

She made a face and retorted, "You shouldn't be so pessimistic, have faith-" when the knocking on the door cut her off.

He looked blank. He had almost no visitors and Sanzo and Goku always made appointments before turning up. "You stay here, I'll go take a look."

She stood up, shifting the baby and following him. "It's alright, I should be going soon too."

He opened the door, expecting some sales pitch, Goku surprising him or perhaps a wrong address.


	5. The End

A/N: Alright, the last chapter here now

What he didn't expect, was a brunette staring at his shoes and lifting his head, revealing all-too familiar emerald eyes. "Gojyo."

"Ha-what are you doing here."

The brunette was about to reply when she popped out behind him, asking cheerily "Oh, Gojyo, you have a guest?"

Before he could say a word he noticed Hakkai staring at her, at the baby, turning cold. He didn't move a facial muscle but from years of experience he could sense the change in those green eyes, note the mood thickening even when nobody else did.

He could definitely tell that Hakkai was giving her a death stare. Then Hakkai dropped his gaze, resignation etched in his body, before turning away, muttering "I should go."

He didn't know what had just happened in the span of mere seconds; from the miracle landing on his doorstep to losing it again for no reason. It was wrong, all wrong, and he was completely bewildered by everything, barely fully registering the first occurrence before being assaulted by the second.

What he did know was as she'd said, it seemed to be a very good time now to grab hold and not let go, so he did.

"Hakkai. What's going on?"

She took in the scene, turned to Gojyo and merrily chimed in, "Well, it seems you have a visitor now, and I should be on my way home too. I have to start dinner, my husband will be home soon. Take care, Gojyo. Think about what I've said."

She winked at Gojyo and waved to both them, "Goodbye, Gojyo, and friend of Gojyo. It was nice meeting you." The baby gurgled. She giggled and strolled off, baby talking the baby.

Gojyo was pretty taken aback by the turn of events, but he did notice Hakkai wasn't struggling to get away anymore, and he didn't look murderous anymore, which were both good signs, which he took as a sign to pull Hakkai into the house before he could protest.

"So," he started, shutting the door, "take a seat. Do you want something to drink?" Hakkai stared at him. He stared back. He didn't know where that came from either.

Hakkai sighed and sat down. "No, thank you Gojyo, I'm fine."

He sat down heavily, slowly, unable to delay the inevitable. "So."

Hakkai stared intently at the carpet and addressed it. "Gojyo."

He sighed. This was going nowhere. "Will you please at least look at me?"

Hakkai looked up at him in shock. Blinked. Pondered. Then he pounced on Gojyo and attacked him with his lips.

He let Hakkai crush his lips for a few seconds, couldn't deny it wasn't pleasant, wasn't what he'd dreamt of for months before pushing him away. "Geez. And you're the one saying sex doesn't solve all your problems."

Hakkai composed himself. "No, Gojyo, it doesn't. Perhaps I should've made myself clear. I mean, I understand perfectly if you aren't happy with the idea of my reappearance, especially after what I had done, and I shouldn't have imposed myself or presumed as such-"

Gojyo cut him off swiftly; otherwise it could take long. "Look. I just wanted to say, I don't know what the hell you were thinking or what you did, and I should kill you, I've certainly wanted to. Or at least kick you out now," he paused at Hakkai's look of extreme discomfort. "But I'm glad you're back. And if you're thinking of running off like that again, I swear you'll have to kill me first before I let you. Are we clear?"

Hakkai nodded dumbly.

"Anything else to add?"

Hakkai hesitated. Shook his head.

"Good, now you can go on." He leered.

Hakkai smirked as he slinked over, almost making him regret his words. "Yes Gojyo, I'll do my best."

After a lot of sex, and hell he did miss it desperately, Hakkai drew patterns mindlessly on his abs and asked his stomach, "Aren't you going to ask me why I left and what I did and why I returned?"

He wondered why Hakkai liked to address various objects while talking to him. It was rather disconcerting to say the least.

"Why you left: you were being an idiot. What you did: I don't really care, but if it sorted your thoughts out, then well, good for you. Why you returned: you couldn't resist my hotness." He grinned at the last one.

Hakkai chuckled against his skin. "Very close, Gojyo. Except for the last one."

He snorted. "Oh yeah? Like you could."

Hakkai smiled and continued talking as if he hadn't heard a word. "I realized home is what you make of it, ultimately. It will not be found. It has to be created."

Later when he was on the verge of falling asleep and Hakkai though he had, a whisper drifted across.

"It's good to be home."

_Yes _was the last thought before he fell asleep completely, lulled by the fingers lightly stroking his hair.

Hakkai doesn't admit he's wrong and he doesn't ever say those 3 words; he lets his fingers do the talking.


End file.
